Morgan Spurlock loses sanity after Simpsons challenge

Famed documentarian Morgan Spurlock was apprehended yesterday atop of the Empire State Building in New York City, New York.

He was caught trying to assemble and hook up a giant circle in attempt to block out the sun for all of Manhattan.

Officials say he was first approached by a security guard on his tenth trip that day to the top of the tallest New York building. Each time carrying a metal triangle that he would later attempt to piece together as the giant sun blocker.

When asked why it took so long to apprehended him, Senior Vice President of W&H Properties (the company who owns the building), Fred C. Posniak, said “we train our security staff to be on the lookout for suspicious characters. Spurlock is a white red haired middle-aged male. We only stop those who look like a terrorist as per the specifications of the US Homeland Security department. In other words, we’re not looking for white trouble makers.”

Spurlock was driven to insanity only five days into his newest 30 day documentary challenge: watching the Simpsons non-stop.

Spurlock has achieved a great deal of fame over the past six years after producing, directing, and starring in the documentary ‘Supersize Me’. Here he ate McDonald’s non stop for 30 days and tortured his body in ways anyone under 400 pounds couldn’t possibly understand.

He was inspired after producing ‘The Simpsons 20th Anniversary Special: In 3-D! On Ice!’, which aired last Sunday.

His newest challenge pitted him against his television set. He was too watch as much Simpsons as possible for the next 30 days. His plan was to watch 12 hours a day at least. His physician Dr. Daryl M. Isaacs urged him to lay up on the Simpsons viewing.

“I told him that watching the Simpson for more that seven hours a day would drive any man insane,” he said. ”But Morgan wouldn’t listen. After four days he watched 90 hours of the program, stopping only to use the washroom and to fill up on donuts and McDonald’s.”

With 450 episodes of the Simpsons aired to date, a person can watch the show non stop for over seven straight days. That’s not including the Simpsons movie.

Despite doctors orders, Spurlock, as he is known to do, took his idea to the ultimate extreme.

By day three he lost all sense of reality, according to his wife Alexandra Jamieson.

“He started calling me Marge, and was furious that my hair was flat and straight and not towering like the wife and mother on the Fox show,” she said. ”He would just sit there watching the show and eating donuts. His fast food obsession drove him nuts. He couldn’t understand why I couldn’t get him a genuine Krusty Burger.”

He settled for endless Big Macs to feed his Homer Simpson-esque gluttonous appetite.
This insanity drove him to try to block out the sun. An act that occurred in the Simpsons 6th season finale entailed ‘Who shot Mr. Burns?’.

When the Empire State Building security and the NYPD finally caught on to what he was doing, Spurlock was on top of the building’s antenna.

One security guard likened the image of Spurlock dangling on the antenna with police below to the famous scene at the end of the 1933 film ‘King Kong’.

Spurlock was shouting at the authorities, screaming “Back off Wiggum!”

Police Chief Clancy Wiggum is a character on the television show.

The NYPD were able to get him down by shooting him with a tranquilizer gun prior to the completion of his two-bit contraption which in no way would have successfully blocked out the sun for New York.

“At best it would have provided some shade for those at the observation deck,” said Posniak.

Spurlock is now residing in prison in the insanity ward. His road to recovery is long.

He does no longer believe he is the Springfield billionaire Mr. Burns; however, he has taken on a new Simpsons persona–Michael Jackson.

This is reminiscent of an episode in the Simpsons second season, where Homer is locked up with an insane man who believes he is the late pop singer.

Despite all this, Jamieson is still confident the videos of him going insane will hit theatres soon enough. 

The new documentary ‘Simpsinsane Me’ is scheduled to be released later this year.

Ditch the iPod and go Vinyl

Give the gift of music.


This phrase so overused during the holiday season has become more of cliche than a convincing pitch.

Nevertheless this phrase certainly entered my consciousness when unwrapping my prized holiday gift–A Crosley CR49 Stack-O-Matic Traveler Turntable.

This is a brand new player designed to look like the 1950’s retro style record players. One of many new makes of turntables entering the market.

Since a trip to the thrift store the past summer, the idea of owning this piece of audio nostalgia has been on the top of my list of things to purchase when my disposable income became more manageable. A fact not lost on the lovely gift-giver.

Since receiving my gift my eyes have been open to the still very much alive vinyl market.

After a quick google search, the city is full of players to pick up some records. Here’s a list I found of the top 10 places in Toronto to purchase records.

I found there are a lot of great finds at thrift stores for the old pieces of music history. Just the other day I picked up the famous Depeche Mode 1987 album “Music for the Masses” at Value Village. The price tag-three dollars.

All stores that have records have used records. You’re looking to spend around five dollars for a used classic album. These are the records that were cleared out as record collections were replaced by the compact disc.

They became a waste of space. A remanence of technology whose size was irrelevant, as its function was all that mattered. A large music collection took up space.

Could you imagine what a 15GB iPod collection in record format? I think I’ll do some calculations to figure this out in an update.

The next best source for some cheap used records– middle aged men. Bring up that you have a record player and are assembling a collection, prepare to talk classic rock for 10 minutes or so. Afterwards, take your pick of the litter of Led Zepplin and Pink Floyd. They were just collecting dust anyway. (Thanks Mr. S.)

Artists are still coming out with Vinyl. I purchased the new Killers, The Decemeberists and Weakerthans, among others. Newer records are usually $15-$40.

Coming out with a vinyl album adds prestige to a band or musician. Successful albums are still rewarded with a silver, gold, or platinum record.

Generally speaking you’re not going to find a top 40 pop band with a new record. Under the ‘S’ category you’re much more likely to find a band like Smashing Pumpkins then and artist like Britney Spears.

Some audiophiles will argue the sound of analog (records) is superior to digital. The argument being that music must first be encoded prior to make it to the CD or an MP3 file; whereas with a record the sound is imprinted right into the vinyl. The sound produced is supposedly more accurate to that actual recording.

I much prefer the record player than listening to tunes on my computer or a CD. I couldn’t say for certain any incredibly noticeable differences between the sound, the exception being the all familiar crackle at the start of a record. I love that crackle.

Listening to vinyl is a whole experience. A step back in technology. The process of taking out a record, placing it carefully over the centre, then softly positioning the needle, and listening to the WHOLE album.

This concept of just being engaged in how the musician or band wants to present there art for you, was lost on me. I hadn’t even purchased a physical CD in years.

When I list to my iTunes, I have the habit–as I know many others do– of listening to my whole playlist on random. Often I won’t make it through a song without skipping to the next. Usually after catching the good parts.

This disconnection with the music made my very apathetic towards music. I had no interest to go out and search for what I like. If I heard it on the radio, I’d download it, and added it to the playlist.

There’s something a little more personal about vinyl when comparing it to more modern technologies. It’s a raw piece of music.

Here’s and interesting experiment. If you place a piece of paper of a record and take a cocktail straw and move it slowly around the record, you will be able to heard music. It will be very faint, but all it needs to do is be amplified to act as a record player.

The music is closer to you. It’s not cyber-mystery as to where the music comes from. When you watch a record you can see it slowly and hypnotically spin–this was the original media player visualization.

This piece of late 19th century technology has reacquainted me with the joy of music. It allows me to take a step back and be more engaging with my growing collection of tunes on vinyl.

 It’s also a hit at parties.